How to Scream Into a Pillow
You’ve arrived here wondering HOW to scream into a pillow. Here in the 21st century, we need not ask WHY—there are many reasons why one may find oneself screaming into a decorative pillow these days—discover your own!
Which brings us to HOW.
As Pink Floyd reminded us in the song Time, hanging on in QUIET desperation is the English way. The simmering torment and anguish that lies within us is like a caldera bubbling away, building up enough thermal mass and energy for eventual and inevitable release.
The resultant emotional magma flows out of us and forms new lands which future generations of English might someday colonise in order to extract rents from your leaseholder descendants. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Return your attention to the unrelenting torments within.
During the quiescent emotional stewing period, one may simply eye the pillow now and then whilst sitting disconsolately on the couch. The urge to scream into it may be nascent or barely conscious at this point, but it’s there—rest assured!
Then one day, with as much warning as one might receive from geologists sitting atop a volcano set to erupt, the scream is there—and so is the pillow.
Bring face to pillow. Commence screaming.
Here is where a comforting pillowcase is most welcome. This is not a time for worsted wool or grandma’s knitting of an English village farm scene. One needs a pillow that Zohan might call, 'silky smooth'.
We can help you there. We sell an entire line of Emergency Screaming Pillows for a wide variety of screaming occasions, from the Christmas Edition to the In-Law and Teen Editions.
Whilst some might be utterly baffled about how to go about screaming into a pillow, our pillows offer the helpful guidance to ‘Scream Here’ at the very centre, which is naturally the most sound- and tear-absorbent part of the pillow.
One may commence screaming into a pillow until one senses one’s nervous system has discharged the loud part of the quiet desperation mentioned previously. One should avoid continuing on with the screaming since that might overwhelm one's nervous system and make one more prone to shouting like an American hither and yon. For further guidance, reference the published literature on Primal Scream Therapy, if you must.
Once the day's screaming has been completed, simply restore your decorative pillow to its proper place. If its one of our Emergency Screaming Pillows, there’s a decent chance that the comic relief provided by its mere presence may help stem future screaming.
We might feel as if we’re violating a pillow's propriety if it wasn’t designed expressly for that purpose. It’s a great comfort to know one may set all propriety aside when using a Screaming Pillow. After all, it literally invites you to Scream Here.