Meet Doctor Phillip Hillock, Bollock Phrenologist
Meet Phillip Hillock, the premier Bollock Phrenologist of the Victorian era. If you're wondering what a Bollock Phrenologist is, it's a highly skilled medical professional who specialises in the study of... well, bollocks.
But Doctor Hillock is not just any ordinary doctor, oh no. He is a man of many talents and exploits, some of which may surprise you.
For starters, Doctor Hillock is a master of the art of cupping. He can apply a set of cups to any part of the body and create a vacuum that sucks out all the bad humours, leaving you feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. But be warned, his bollocks cupping technique is not for the faint of heart. He once removed a patient's entire scrotum using nothing but a set of cups and a strong suck.
Next, there's Doctor Hillock's famous 'Vibrating Machine'. This contraption is said to cure all ills, from gout to the common cold. All you have to do is sit on the machine and let it shake you to your core. One patient reported that he felt so good after a session on the Vibrating Machine, he was cured of his addiction to public executions.
But perhaps Doctor Hillock's most impressive talent is his ability to assess the constellation of a man's character as well as diagnose and treat any disease using only his hands. That's right, he's a master of 'Bollock Phrenology' a technique he invented, where he examines the size, shape, contour and texture of a patient's bollocks to determine his overall health and constitutional makeup. He once cured a man of chronic doldrums by simply squeezing his bollocks.
So if you're in need of a good doctor, or just want to have your bollocks examined, look no further than Doctor Phillip Hillock. You'll be in good hands.
Whilst you're here, see our Phillip Hillock Bollock Phrenologist collection, including this fantastic shirt.
Oliver Jolly & Ben Goode